Wednesday, February 17th, 2010
A few months ago I was on tour on the east coast and me and Chris were broke and hungry and kind of over it. After a long day of van trouble and dealing with mean bastards, we pulled into a chain grocery store parking lot, went inside and came out with the fixings for “Hotdog Tube.” There was nothing premeditated about this. I saw the bread, saw the hotdogs, and everything suddenly made sense.
Twenty minutes later we were lying on our backs in the dirty parking lot by our van, eating Hotdog Tube and drinking cans of Dr. Pepper and yelling at the stars in phony Cape Cod accents and everything was good.
Pack of hotdogs (I use vegan SmartDogs. You can do whatever.)
Large roll of rustic Italian bread (a good crust is important)
The trinity of hotdog condiments: ketchup, mustard, relish.
Tear bread in half. Hollow out bread guts and feed them to a dog (or snake, cat, vampire, etc.) Cook eight hotdogs (or don’t; it really doesn’t make a difference). While the hotdogs are cooking, squirt heavy amounts of mustard, relish, and ketchup into the tube and give the tube a good squeeze so they blend in together. This is very important; a dry Hotdog Tube is an awful thing.
Once the hotdogs are done, insert four of them into each half of the tube. Four may seem like a lot of hotdogs to eat in one sitting but once you start in on this monster you’re going to want the full ride.
Eat. Drink Dr. Pepper. Mellow out.
Feeds two.BIO: Adam Gnade's (guh nah dee) work is released as a series of books and records that share characters and themes; the fiction writing continuing plot-lines left open by the self-described "talking songs" in an attempt to compile a vast, detailed, interconnected, personal history of contemporary American life. Check out recent writing here and songs here. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org